After the funeral Tyler went back to his grandmas and we stopped by Doug's parents for something to eat and I had to pump breast milk. Within a few hours we headed back to St Louis.

On Sept. 10th the babies got transferred to their new twin room. They were finally side by side as opposed to being in a room with 20 other babies. We were happy they were together and this room had a pull out couch that became my bed for the next few months. Although we were happy about that we found out that Dougie had developed a stage 2 brain bleed. It was awful to even think about.

Sept. 11th the twins got their first visitors. Doug's parents came up to see them. It was pretty emotional for them to see. Before they left we did manage to talk them in to putting their hand in and touching them.

Within a couple of weeks of birth both of them started to open their eyes. It was like watching a little puppy open his eyes for the first time. First one eye then maybe the next day the other would open. They tried to keep them all bundled up but Bubba wasn't having it. No sooner than they tuck his legs in he'd somehow manage to squirm right back out. Not long after their eyes opened Sissy's tummy started turning black(I mean really black) So she had to have a surgery on her tummy to drain out whatever was making it black. They told us she had a 50% chance of not making it through. Once again we were terrified of loosing our little girl. The surgery didn't take long (seemed like a lifetime) and she pulled through like a champ.

Sept. 16th Doug had to leave and go back to work. I stayed at the hospital in their room. I was scared of dealing with all this by myself and I didn't know how he would handle going back to work. I was worried about him too. He has been what has kept me together since this all began and has been amazing in all this.

Within a few days the doctors told us that both babies needed a heart surgery(called a pda ligation) Something about a flap in your heart that normally closes on full term babies of course didn't close on these preemies. They actually make a cut kinda under the left armpit towards the back and go through some ribs to do this surgery. We were really scared they actually had to take the babies to the operating room put them asleep and it was very risky for their tiny bodies to go through all that. They both came through with flying colors.

Around the end of Sept. they put them on regular ventilators whereas before they were on what's called an oscillator and it actually shakes the babies as it's breathing for them. That's a big step for one of these little ones. I came home for the first time. I just needed to get away and I missed Tyler so much. We had never been apart up to this point and that was hard on the both of us too. I can remember coming home and it reminding me of being pregnant. Seeing their room. I had it all planned out, I was going to put the two boys together in a bed and sissy had a beautiful canopy on her bed complete with sparkles and butterflies. I would lay there rubbing my tummy wishing all this was a bad dream.

The weekend home was stressful. I think I called the hospital every 2 hours and that's all through the night too. Emily still had abdominal issues her belly would swell up and was still really dark. The next Monday when I get to the hospital I find out that Sis has an infection and a pretty bad one. Of course and infection is a lot of the time fatal for a 1 lb baby. They found this the day before you were to go for your heart surgery. Doug was so upset crying because he wanted to be there but couldn't take anymore time off work. It's just such a helpless feeling when any kid is sick but to watch your baby struggle to breathe and live is beyond words.

Sept. 27th was the first day I got to hold either of them. I got to snuggle Dougie on my bare chest to help with his body temp. and he did and awesome job. It's amazing how small they still are barely 2 lbs. When I held Emily she didn't do so well I was crying just to be able to hold her for a few minutes to be able to actually kiss her and when her saturations dropped they had to bag her back up in my arms I was terrified. I hadn't seen them do that up til then. So back in bed she went. The next day Doug came up and got to hold Dougie. One of the nurses suggested I take a picture with dads wedding band on Bubbas arm. It slid right over his hand. I could've probably fit both hands in there. We were floored.

The beginning of Oct. my friend Kenny and his wife came up to see the babies and take me out for dinner. How sweet. I told them that Bubba wasn't really being himself. He wasn't very active at all. The doctors started to worry and ordered some xrays to be taken of his intestines. Everything looked ok to them. They were worried he had what they called NEC. (a hole in your intestines) Within hours he started to swell up and they told us that we had to make a decision to send him to children's hospital because the surgeon who does that type of surgery quit the week before. If he had anymore issues they wouldn't be able to operate. So 9:00 that night they rushed him to children's hospital not far from glennon. 6:00 am the surgeon called said he had gotten much worse and they needed to do exploratory surgery on him. His chances were grim of surviving. When he came out and told us he did ok but that he had to take a huge portion of his intestins out and he might have life long affects from this IF he makes it. Because of the hole he had sepsis (massive infection) and he swelled up like a puffer fish. He was unrecognizable.

Days went by slowly an sure enough he started to pull through. Now I had a kid back home one at cardinal glennon and one at children's. I was worn thin.....It was exhausting!! Doug did not handle the babies being apart very well at all. He just wanted them back together!!

A small thing like pooping may seem trivial to some but it was a huge deal for these two. Emily's doctor told her if she finally pooped he would give her a dollar and within a couple of days he had to pay up! He was a great doctor. Doctor Mantych big ole' boy who was really funny. If someone said something about sissy's tummy he would say maybe she just needs to let a big ole' fart. LOL

Oct. 14th I wrote a poem.
You came too early
We don't know why
The tears fall like rain
So much pain inside
We thought we could keep you safe
How could we be so wrong
How can someone so tiny
Be so strong
We have to take them now
Or they will all die
My heart broke in two
As I started to cry
They rushed me to the OR
Scared out of my mind
I was praying to God
Please let my babies be fine
But when I awoke
With Caleb in daddy's hands
As tears run down his face
I knew things hadn't gone as planned
Our baby Caleb went to heaven
There was nothing we could do
He is in a better place
This we all knew
Now we still have
The two of you
Emily Grace
And Dougie Jr. too
As we watch you struggle
Just to breathe
Makes us pray to God
Makes the unbeliever believe
You're a miracle no doubt
An angel from above
One sent straight from Heaven
To show us how to love

love mommy