That afternoon Wednesday, September 5th 2007 a chaplain came to see us and asked what our religion was and if we wanted to baptize the babies. We immediately said yes not knowing what the days would bring (even hours for that matter). So that afternoon both Douglas Richard Brawley Jr. and Emily Grace Brawley were baptized. They gave them the most beautiful little gown and suit to wear (of course we just laid it on top of them) . I was so afraid for tons of reasons.

That night we got a hotel room and stayed the night in St. Louis. There wasn't much sleep between the phone calls to the hospital to check on the babies and the pain I was in from my c-section. First thing the next morning we went to check on the babies and we had to head home for clothes and things. We also had to face the fact that we were about to do something no parent should ever have to do and that is bury on of their children.

On Sept. 6th I started to journal, this is my first entry.

Hey beautiful babies , today has been pretty hard for mom and dad. we had to make arrangements for God to come an take brother Caleb. It made us so sad and Saturday will be even harder when we say our final goodbyes to him. But we couldn't wait to get here to see you! Your two are so strong! You have the blood of warriors in your tiny little veins. When we look at you we fall in love with you all over again. You two inspire us to make it thru another day. The nurses and doctors are trying so hard to make you feel better. You are doing much better at 3 days old that you were when you came out of my tummy. Even changing your machines in the right direction by 1 number makes us so happy. Big brother Tyler was heart broken to see you for the first time on Wednesday. Seeing how tiny you were, he was happy but got soooo sad when he realized how sick you two were. Everyone back home is praying for you and sending all their hugs and kisses to you. We all just want you home. Good night our beautiful babies!

The very next day on Friday we were so happy to get to the hospital to be with them as we're standing there next to Sis the doctors are making their rounds. We were told that Emily had a stage 4 brain bleed....I just about passed out. I started crying hysterically. Not only were my kids going to have to fight to even stay alive now I was wondering what quality of life would she have after all is said and done. Would she have brain damage, learning disabilities ? The thoughts through my mind were endless. That wasn't how I pictured my twins (triplets) I wanted to watch them playing outside going on vacations playing dress up with my daughter....Would any of this ever happen for them??

Friday Sept. 6th...I changed Emily's diaper for the first time. Daddy just watched proudly, he's still a little scared to touch you too much.

Saturday...I hoped that day would never come...I had to go and buy clothes for Caleb's funeral, I just couldn't believe it was really happening. Our boy was so tiny we didn't have clothes for him. We stopped and bought him a cardinals tee shirt in St. Louis Friday. Tyler was adamant about buying him some little shoes to put in his casket. We bought him a little necklace that said our angel and put all these things in there with him. Other people brought things to bury with him too. I took my camera to take the only pictures of him that I would ever have. (as I look at them now I wish I hadn't). Walking in that funeral home was almost impossible for me to do. My knees were weak and I wanted to throw up. I thought loosing my mom was hard, but nothing will ever compare to the pain of loosing one of your babies. Our families started to arrive and I grabbed a chair and put it right next to his tiny casket. I was not leaving him for 1 minute. We had a board with the other babies pictures from the previous days and the pictures off of my cell phone of Caleb after he was born. They weren't very good but they were all we had. As it became time to go to the cemetery we put all his things in his casket with him. My grandma of course wrote him a letter. My uncle Jeff who I'm really close to asked if he could carry his casket to the car and my husband wanted his best friend Richie to help. It was so tiny it was probably awkward for them to both do it but they were great. It was horrible riding to the cemetery and even harder leaving. We picked a spot for him to be buried so that every time we drive to the end of our road we can look straight ahead and see him.